Leil Lowndes gives 92 ideas for improving communication with others.

They vary from verbal communication to body language skills and tips for better connections.

Many of these may be just common sense but provided a good reminder and change of mindset of how to interact for building better relationships.

My key takeaways:

 

First impressions: You only have 10 seconds to show your somebody.

Techniques to help you come across as confident credible and charismatic:

1. The flooding smile-  Those slower to smile have more credibility. Look at the face, pause, soak in the persona then smile.
2. Sticky eyes – don’t break contact even after they finish speaking and when you do, do it slowly. Intense eye contact will strengthen respect and affection, also adds impression of intelligence. Men to men should be a little less sticky.
3. Epoxy eyes – Need you, your target and one other person. Look at the listener instead of the speaker. Sends signal of interest and self confidence. Used for interrogation or to evaluate. Less brazen if you just look to them after the speaker finishes talking

4. Hang by your teeth – good posture is important. Visualise your feet hanging from the frame of every door you walk through take a bite firmly between your teeth

5. The Big Baby Pivot- Body language and movement- respond to intro with big smile, turn to face them, and give undivided attention.
6. Hello old friend- instead of focusing on the fear of meeting a new person imagine she is an old friend.

7. Limit the fidget- it creates the appearance of lying even when you’re telling the truth. In an important conversation don’t touch, scratch, rub or put your hands on your face.
8. Horse sense- Get your input from the audiences reaction and plan your response accordingly
9. Watch the scene before you make the scene- visualise. Rehearse being with somebody you want to be and it will happen automatically

 

Small Talk : What do I say after I say hello

How to use small talk then move to the next level

10. The mood match- small talk is about putting people at ease making them comfortable which requires you to match their intensity by picking up on tone of voice and expression of others
11. It’s not all about what you say it’s how you say it- anything is okay as long as it makes the people feel at ease. Provide an empathetic mood a positive demeanour and a passionate delivery  (except for a complaint or something rude or unpleasant)
12. Wear something unique- that draws attention and inspires them to talk about it- “whatzit”
13. Ask host for an introduction to someone else- “whoozat” – or enough info about them that you have something to start a conversation.
14. Listen in – find a topic and jump in – ” I couldn’t help overhear”
15. Provide more detail – when asked where your’e from – give some follow up info or context. That fits with the audience

16. Same as above when asked about your job – don’t just leave it hanging – add some detail.
17. When introducing – share something extra about the person

18. Listen for hints on topics that interest them
19. Turn the spot light on the other person – ask questions about them.
20. Parroting- never be stuck for something to say. Repeat the last few things the other person said in an inquisitive tone.

21. Tell them about the time you….. get someone to retell a positive story about themselves to bring into the conversation
22. Accentuate the positive- When first meeting someone keep any skeletons locked up until you have proven your success and I know you well
23. The latest news- make sure you up-to-date with what’s happening in the world right now

 

The big conversation

24. NOT “and what do you do”– asking this question may be uncomfortable –  best avoided and find out – ask instead “how do you spend most of the time”
25. The natural resume- focusing on the benefits for the audience
26. Your personal thesaurus- don’t need to use difficult words but look up some different options to mix it up.

27. Kill the quick “me too”– let them talk about it a bit more before you share your similarity casually-  let them know how much we enjoyed hearing about your shared interest.
28. Comm-you-inaction- start as many sentences as possible with “you”– it makes them think you’re doing the thinking for them.

29. The exclusive smile- give everyone a slightly different smile- makes them feel special.
30. Avoid cliches- show lack of imagination
31. Use all the tools – tone of voice, hands, body language, expressions, pace of speaking. Learn some humorous phrases or quotes to make them laugh when all else fails – but keep them relevant

32. Call a spade a spade- no need for euphemisms
33. Trash the teasing- don’t make comments at others expense.
34. Be sympathetic if delivering bad news- keep the receiver in mind.
35. The broken record- Persistant questioning on an unwelcome subject or simply repeat your original response using the same words and tone of Voice – wont be welcome.
36. Don’t gush over others- don’t take too much time, stick to current compliments, talk about impact on you specifically.
37. Provide detail with your thank you-

 

What are they all talking about- How to be an insider in any crowd

Ask the right questions to get people talking – show sincere interest and people will talk

38. Scramble therapy- takes a few activities to expand your life experience have something to talk about
39. Learn a little gobbledygook (industry speak)-just enough for you to ask some questions and sounds like an insider
40. Baring their hot button- be aware of the key issues that certain industries are dealing with so you can ask relevant questions.
41. Read their rags – Browne’s magazines have other interest to get the lingo

42. Clear customs- be aware of the customs of other countries
43. Blocking for bargains- If you use Lingo you’ll get a better price

 

Why we’re just alike-  like peas in a pod

44. Be a copycat- Watch people look at the way they move and do the same
45. Echoing – use words similar to the other person to make them feel comfortable
46. Potent imaging- use analogies from the listeners world not your own
47. Employee empathises- simple short supportive statements e.g. I can appreciate that
48. Anatomically correct empathises- Figure out each persons primary perception and use that in your speech e.g. I hear you vs  I see what you mean vs It feels right,
49. The premature we- strangers talk in cliches acquaintances discuss friends express feelings high-level intimacy use we. We can create a sense of intimacy

50. Instant history- remember a special moment you shared it your first encounter to create a life and bring good feelings

 

The power of praise and flattery

A compliment from a new person is more potent than from someone you already know

Your compliment has more credibility when given to an unattractive person then an attractive person who’s face you’ve never seen

You’re taken more seriously if you preface your comments by some self effacing remark

51. Grapevine Glory- we’re more likely to trust someone who says nice things about us when we aren’t listening then someone who flatters us to our face.

52. Carrier pigeon Kudos- keep your ears open for good things people say about each other and share it with person who was complimented

53. Implied Magnificence- throw a few comments that presuppose something positive about the person you’re talking about

54. Accidental adulation-slipping praise into the secondary part of your points

55. The killer compliment- commenting on something very personal and specific. Always in Private. Make it Sincere and limit the frequency to make it credible.

56. Little strokes= short quick Kudos to drop in casual conversation.
57. The knee-jerk wow- praise is best Given immediately
58. Boomeranging= send the positive feeling right back for example that’s very kind of you
59. The Tombstone game- find out what people would want inscribed on their tombstone and remember so you can use it to compliment them.

Direct dial their hearts

60. Talking gestures- to get your personality across on the phone you must translate your emotions into sound
61. Name shower- Use the persons name More off and on the phone but you would in person
62. Oh wow it’s you- smile once you hear who is speaking. Makes them feel special.
63. The sneaky screen- if screening firstly say I’ll put you through “May I ask whose calling ” then come back with the news that they are not available
64. Salute the spouse- always identify and greet the person who answers spouse or secretary
65. What colour is your time?-always check if the person has time to talk
66. Constantly changing outgoing message-change your message every day
67. Your 10 second audition- Think about the tone in message of your voice messages you leave
68. The ho-hum caper- act like everyday – is he in – sneak past the guard
69. I hear your other Line- ask the other person if they need to deal with something in the background they will appreciate the gesture
70. Instant replay- Record your conversation so you can improve

 

How to work a party like a politician

When attending an event find out

• Who will be there
• When should I arrive
• What should I take with me
• Why is the party been given
• Where is the collective mind
• How am I going to follow up after the party

 

71. Munching or mingling- work out the priority – do you eat or talk – cant do both.
72. Rubber neck the room-stop in the doorway survey is seen slowly before entering
73. Don’t wait for others to approach you
74. Come hither hands- your body can show come on over or growl go away. Showing your wrists is a welcoming act.

75. Tracking- remember very small details and bring them up e.g. what they have for breakfast
76. The business card dossier- make notes to remember on the card
77. Eyeball selling- watching the customers reactions and adjusting the sales page according to how they move eg the angle of the head.   First find out who the decision maker is. Get them to uncross their arms to open their minds

 

Little tricks of big winners

78. See no bloopers, hear no bloopers- ignore mistakes just continue on
79. Be the helping tongue- when someone is interrupted be the one to get their story back on track
80. Bear the buried what’s in it for me- don’t be afraid to ask for a favour and be upfront about it

81. Let them savour the favour. If someone agrees to a favour give them a moment before making them pay up.
82. Tit for ( wait …..wait ) tat – don’t call in a favour straight away or it seems like tit-for-tat
83. Parties are for fun- leave business for work time
84. Dinners for dining- leave the negotiations till eating is finished. While eating it’s okay to brainstorm and discuss positive sides but no tough business
85. Chance encounters of a chitchat- don’t bring up important business on a casual meet
86. Empty their tanks-but people get things off their chest first before asking for more detail
87. Echo The EMO – listen to their emotion and repeat it
88. My goog your gain – if you make a mistake make sure your victim benefits
89. Leave an escape hatch- did you catch someone lying or doing something wrong don’t confront them directly give them an out
90. Butter cups for their bosses- send or promise to send a positive letter to their supervisor. Then write it you’ll be a VIP forever
91. Leave the listeners- people who responded 1st to a presentation or happening without looking around to see how everyone else is reacting people of leadership calibre.
92. The great scorecard in the sky- if you’re behind, what do you need to do to even the score-

 

Repeating an action makes a habit,  your habits create your character and your character is your destiny.

 

Author: Donna Bruce